someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
