She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
