A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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