She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
