Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it glows. i had to have it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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