how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
