It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will pee on everything he values.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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