As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
