What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
