none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
