Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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