cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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