I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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