So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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