you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
