so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
