Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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