I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
