Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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