...so i touched it.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
