Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
