I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
