who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
