and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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