people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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