i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
