therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
