Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
