By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
