what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
