I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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