so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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