hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
