Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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