Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
