i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
