I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
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Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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