I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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