Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
