just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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