i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
