So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
