i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize