i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
