do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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