Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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