if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
