YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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