so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
