sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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