drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
