The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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