She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
This toilet bowl is my home.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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