we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
