we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
