If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
