Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
