I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
