yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize