Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
