Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize