you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
