"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
