Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
