I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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