Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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