i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
