i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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