but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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