Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize