Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
