weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
