I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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