Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
