I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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