Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
