Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
