is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
