My first STD was from a foam party
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
