need another drink. this is the easiest way
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
