Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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