If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
