CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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